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Crooked Thoughts (Extension)

Crooked Thoughts (Extension)

By Maujerie

Why is there a need of an external force to assure beauty and confidence?

SOCIETY’S REQUIREMENT TO BE RATED BEAUTIFUL:

-White skin

-Straight Hair

-Skinny

-Perfect Nose

TO SKIP:

-You need to be PERFECT as hell.

No, this is not me saying that white skin, straight hair, skinny, a perfect nose, and perfection are not beautiful. What I’m saying is, if you’re not these then who are you? That is what society’s meaning of beauty is. 

Society=External Force

If I can’t pass these requirements then I won’t feel beautiful.

I hate how society thinks but I am society. I hate how society defines beautiful but I strive so hard to fit the requirements. How crooked. It’s crooked how I need society to tell me I’m beautiful when I have a different definition.

My requirement(s):

-Be who you are.

Crooked Thoughts

Crooked Thoughts
by Maujerie

What is beautiful? What is beauty?

     One time, on the way home, my aunt told me that I was her most beautiful niece out of everyone. Back then, I believed in everything that makes me feel good and denied what makes me feel bad. So, I believed her. I believed that I was beautiful. I did.

       Fast forward to the present. I changed a lot and my perspective of beauty changed. My views about myself changed. I can't pose in front of a camera when back then I modeled for my cousin for fun. I don't even think I'm beautiful when I wear makeup.

        I have this view that everyone is beautiful. Makeup or natural. Curly hair or straight hair. Dark complexion or white. Everyone but one.

        I feel beautiful until I don't. Until people tell me I'm not. Until I see people who are goddesses. Until people around me looks at me like I'm disgusting. Until people don't appreciate me. Until I tell myself that I'm not. Until I feel that I'm not. So no, I'm not beautiful. Whatever definition you have of beautiful, I won't fit them.

       I believe that everyone is beautiful but one. I make this exception. How crooked.

       I feel beautiful until I don't and I don't need anybody telling me I am to keep my hopes up. No, thank you.

Ghost Tapestry

Ghost Tapestry

by Maujerie

They scissor through your memory

and weave them again

to become a tapestry

to refresh everything forgotten

They crush the wall

you built around yourself

so everything rushes in

like a rapid waterfall

The river located atop

is your mind inside

The tears that roll down

are the overflowing cascade

Ghosts, that's what they are

They make you remember

They cause all he pain,

all the fighting

They suddenly vanish

then appear with a new ploy

to create a new tapestry,

and aim to destroy

Naked Thoughts (in the open)

Naked Thoughts (in the open)

by Maujerie

There are three words I never want to write about. But a writer writes her feelings, it’s a way of releasing whatever she keeps inside. And I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself to just keep everything to myself but there’s something inside that nags me to get a pencil and form the letters of an alphabet to words, sentences, paragraphs. There is no other way of release for me. There are options I have tried. Crying is one, but I’m not a crybaby. The other option consists of something that harms me and how I loved hurting myself. I like the sting, the blood, the blade, the swift motion, the band-aid. I loved everything it makes me feel.

The most important feeling is freedom. That one breath that makes me feel free.

Three words

HURT, SAD, BROKEN

These words are all over the place. In stories, in movies, on television shows, the gossip, everywhere. They may seem to have different meanings but they all come as one. Add these three and you’ll get one sum: depression. These words are what describe me. They lock me in. They stop me from doing what I want. They never let me go. Swallowing me into nothing. And what have I become now? Nothing. 

Here’s to me, drowning into insanity.

Outer Space

Outer Space

by Maujerie

Look up the sky at night and see thousands of stars twinkling and winking at you. All of them are bright. Some outshine the others, but nonetheless, every single one has its unique glimmer. And when you see them, hope is found. Hope that every person can become a star of her own. To live not to just exist. Hope that one’s own is much better than what one’s mind can perceive. Hope that in the darkness, a light will be found. Hope that we would never be swallowed by the depths of a black hole.

Hope? Look past the twinkles and what the naked eye sees. The stars we see are only a little of what is out there in massive space. And most of these gaseous balls are fading. But we don’t know that they are. And most people are like that. We see a facade of happiness, of greatness. What we don’t notice is that they’re stars waiting for self-destruction. They are the stars that have lost hope.

And there are only two possibilities where they may end up.

A star, when dying, explodes in the form of a supernova. This explosion may result to the creation of a new heavenly body like a star or a planet. That is the first possibility. The reborn of a person. The change for the better and the stronger. This star shines brighter than it has done before.

The supernova remains of gaseous debris may turn into a black hole. This may turn invisible. But sooner or later, they become the visible ones. The direction of all things miserable. Where stars that glimmer in faux come and laugh. That is what happens to a person who’s had enough of fighting and living through the limelight of life. It is being sucked in the emotions you feel or being numb and feel zero emotions. It’s either feeling everything or nothing at all and it can lead to drowning into the mass of emotions from the people that surrounds you. 

You can fight it. But most people can’t. For them, it’s never a choice. It’s never a decision. It’s a way of living. Undesirable. If the black hole decides to swallow you into its empty and dark space of nothing, you’ve got nothing to do but keep yourself in a corner and do whatever it takes to make the emotions fade or feel the emotions.

Me? I want to be sucked in by that black hole but it never had the courage to come to me. It’s scared of me. And that is what everything is all about.

I am Sick

I am Sick

by Maujerie

It goes unnoticed by many

People never worry

They all think everything's fine

Not in this mind of mine

It's always just there

It's a living nightmare

That's what it is

There will never be bliss

It goes unnoticed by many

People never worry

Until the mind says it's time

The kill, the end of mine